The Insane Best Friend
by taramegareader
Summary: Bella had a friend when she was in Phoenix. A short, pale, absolute crazy friend that was left behind on her journey to Forks. Or so she thought. Oh god, what will Edward think of the self-proclaimed batshit crazy pyromaniac who just so happens to use Bella as her snuggle buddy? Twilight with a little more humor and craziness. Edward won't know what hit him.


**Summary:** Bella had a friend when she was in Phoenix. A short, pale, absolute crazy friend that was left behind on her journey to Forks. Or so she thought. Oh god, what will Edward think of the self-proclaimed bat shit crazy pyromaniac who just so happens to use Bella as her snuggle buddy? Twilight with a little more humor and craziness. Edward won't know what hit him.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, if I did it would not be so cheesy and a bit more crazy.

Chapter 1: Bella, Don't Go!

Bella was just about finished packing her bags when a blur ran past her to jump on said suitcase.

"There! I will sit right here so you can't leave me! Bella, how could you do this to me? Why are you dooming me to be the only pale face in a crowd of people who seems to think tanning makes them hotter and only give them skin cancer?" whined the girl on the suitcase.

Bella sighed. She knew she wasn't going to leave without getting hassled by her long-time friend. Why was Bella friends with her again? Oh yeah, Bella was always picked on for her paleness and the tiny fairy in front of her could take down someone twice her size with a well-placed punch.

Yeah, she has balls that one.

"You know why I have to, Sia. Mom just got remarried and I think she would be happier traveling with Phil. Besides, I haven't seen Charlie in forever. Remember him? I brought you to meet him a few years ago," Bella said calmly.

Sia frowned, her thinking face in full effect.

One of the only times she looked even younger, if possible.

"Didn't he have that awful mustache that I thought was a caterpillar trying to eat him?" she inquired.

Bella snorted, "yeah, you even said so to him. That he should put it outside where it can be free and not be poisoned by human food."

She pouted, "Hey, it was a very fuzzy caterpillar! Animals should be free to live their lives without worrying about humans killing them. That is why I am a very proud and honorable vegetarian."

"Unless they are frogs, which you try to kill every-single-time," Bella commented.

Sia jumped up from her lounging position to a firm stance on top of the suitcase.

"Frogs are gross! They are icky, slimy, cold, and absolutely disgusting! I know they provide in their environment, but they can sure as hell stay away from me. That and they want to just jump at you at the slightest flinch! I say anarchy!" Sia declared.

Bella sat on her bed, just next to Sia and pulled her down to sit on her right.

"Sia, you are getting off topic again. I swear, you have the attention span of a goldfish at times. Half the time I expect you to stop in mid conversation and yell squirrel." Bella said dryly.

"I can't help it, Bella. The thoughts in my hand get all bubbly and jumbled before they all have to run for their lives unless they be caught up in the absolute chaos of insanity that is in my brain," said Sia.

"Anyway, I think this might be good for me. I can see Charlie more, which would make him happy. Mom will get to travel with her new husband, which will make her happy. And I could spread my horizons and try to get ready for college that is more in that area," said Bella.

"But what about me? How is you moving away going to make me happy? You are my absolute best friend, Bella! What if you meet someone new in Forks? A better best friend? Someone taller, hotter, or worse more pale then me," she grasped her cheeks, inconsolable.

Bella hugged her best friend, no her sister. Her tiny, insane, and even paler than her sister.

"Antanasia Celestina Vladimirescu, you will always be one of the most important people in my life. You will never be replaced, ever in my life. We can still be in contact. You and I will text, send letters, video chat, and maybe you can come up to see me," she smiled.

Sia whined, "You know how much I hate my name! I swear, how will I ever be able to do my taxes with that name? That shit won't even fit on a damn road sign!"

She perked up.

"I know! I will light the plane on fire, they will delay the flight, then there would be an investigation, and you won't leave for at least a few months," she cheered, jumping up and dancing around the room.

Bella smacked her hand against her forehead. A common occurrence with Sia.

"No, no, no, and no! Sia, do I need to confiscate all your lighters before I leave?" Bella sighed.

"No, don't take Fred! He's too sexy to leave my side! Without him how can I complete my plans for world domination with you as my evil sidekick slash snuggle buddy that keeps my bed warm?" Sia begged.

"I will if you go on saying you will burn down my only means to leave. And god, I completely forgot that you named your lighter after that stupid Right Said Fred video. Only you would name your lighter with something like that. Or name it at all."

Sia grabbed her trusty lighter, holding it to her cheek and rubbing it with a gentle touch.

"She doesn't know what she's taking about, Fred. Your too sexy for other people's hands, and just right for me." She seductively whispered, a soft lovers caress against the metal of the lighter.

Bella wisely let it go, knowing how she was with her precious lighter.

"I promise we will keep in touch, Sia. We made a pact remember?" urged Bella.

Sia sighed and looked up with pleading eyes

"Sister from another mister?" she said.

Bella nodded, "sister from another mister."

She cocked her head, "Chicks before dicks?"

Bella nodded, again, "Chicks before dicks."

Sia grinned mischievously, "Sissy from another pu—"

"Okay that's enough" Bella blushed.

Bella used her left hand to grab her suitcase and her right to grab her Sia's.

"Come on, let's go before I have to bail you out of jail again."

Sia protested, "That was juvenile hall, and that cop was asking for it! He thought I was nine! Have you seen a nine-year-old with a body as sexy as mine?"

"Sia?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Shut up."

That is the first chapter. I will be working soon on the next chapter, but I am at University, so I have massive loads of homework though I will do my best. Leave a review so I know how you like it and I promise you, in future chapters there will be humor, dark humor, teasing the boyfriend, and driving vampires insane. Have any ideas? Leave a comment and I will get back to you. This is my first Twilight fanfiction that I will be writing so please be gentle. Also, I will be uploading this to Archive of our Own because there will be M rated scenes in future chapters.


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